Batman

Name: Bruce Wayne
Category: Superhero, Hero, Human, Businessman, American, Crime Fighter
Age: Exact age unknown. Approximately mid 30s
Origin: Gotham City, USA
Habitat: Wayne Manor or Batcave, Gotham City, USA
General Description: Son of Thomas and Martha Wayne, Bruce witnessed his parents’ untimely deaths, when they were murdered by the young Jack Napier right before his eyes. After this tragedy he has spent many years studying martial arts and various scientific disciplines until he reached the very limits of human abilities and became known as Batman. He has no paranormal abilities of any sort and primarily relies on his intelligence, strength, and a wide variety of tools and weapons that he designed for himself with the assistance of his trusted servant Alfred. These tools and weapons include:
1) Batmobile – a bulletproof jet-engine vehicle, equipped with a remote control, shields, machine guns, and a variety of other gadgets and weapons.
2) Batwing – an aircraft equivalent of Batmobile
3) Utility Belt – a belt equipped with an endless supply of useful bat-objects, such as: Bat-Bolas, Bat-Grappling Hook, Bat-Smoke Grenades, etc. The sheer amount of these bat gadgets makes us suspect that somewhere in mainland China exists a secret bat-sweatshop where all of these objects are being manufactured.
Friends, Associates, and Sidekicks: Vicki Vale, Robin
Sworn Enemies: Joker
Special Powers: Batman is an expert in martial arts and a world renowned scientist. His ability to street fight while wearing the most rigid bullet-proof full-body armor suit remains an unexplained mystery.
Weapons of Choice: Bare hands and Bat-Weapons (In memory of his parents, Batman uses firearms only in the most extreme circumstances...)
Weaknesses: Like many other super-intelligent and super-powerful people Batman is almost completely incapable of taking care of himself in the most mundane settings and is rather helpless without his fatherly servant – Alfred Pennyworth. He’d probably die of constipation if Alfred didn’t remind him to go to the bathroom from time to time.
Hobbies: Reckless driving without any regard for safety of pedestrians or other drivers
Pet Peeves: Humor. As far as Batman is concerned, this grim world is no place for jokes. And he may be right.
Best Lines: - I'm Batman
Total Estimated Power Rating: 16
7 Intellect Points + 5 Base Physical Strength Points + 2 Weapon Points for a variety of Bat-weapons at his disposal + 1 Shock Point for the very scary bat costume (works well against the superstitious evildoers) + 1 Additional Point for Alfred’s scientific and investigatory assistance
Power Level: Although Bruce Wayne does not have any supernatural abilities do not let this fact fool you – Batman is one of the most powerful superheroes on this planet and he is to be treated with the utmost respect and a healthy dose of trepidation.
Identification: If you see a guy in a bat suit when you are not visiting Comicon, Dragoncon, or other geek gathering you are probably dealing with the real Batman. On the other hand, even at Comicon you might be dealing with the real Batman. Try kicking him in the balls. If you wake up in the hospital with severe body injuries – it was the real Batman.
How to Recruit: Use the extremely convenient Bat-Signal to summon this superhero. Available at Walmart near you.
Note: Please note that when referring to Walmart on this website we are not referring to the Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. We are of course talking about an entirely fictional Walmart, that is a product of our imagination and which coincidentally happens to have a name identical to the name of a real retail store chain. In fact we will start calling this imaginary place Wolmart, just to help you differentiate the two.
How to Stay on His Good Side: If you are living a criminal lifestyle, maybe it’s time to reconsider. Get a job at Wolmart and work till the wee hours for a miserable pay, just like Batman. Oh wait...
What to Look Out For: When visiting Wayne Manor keep in mind that the place is full of hidden cameras and microphones. So maybe you should try to hold it and enjoy the privacy of your own bathroom when you get home.
NOTE: We cannot guarantee that the bathrooms in your house are free from bat-cameras.
Additional Character Images:



Movies and Books Featuring the Character:
- Batman (1989)

5 comments:

Hank Venture said...

I am the Bat.

hmvh said...

Hmmm... this page / entry could do with quite a bit of updating.

Max said...

This page will be updated... may be... one day... a year or two after the "DK" DVD comes out.

Or maybe I'll leave it as is - to serve as a tribute to the original movie, which was trashed by everyone but the most lazy ones ever since the "DK" came out.

Brian of Nazareth said...

Don't change a thing, Max! I thought I was the only one who liked the Michael Keaton Batman.

Max said...

Thank you, Brian!