Heroes and Monsters: superheroes

Name: Bruce Wayne
Category: Superhero, Hero, Human, Businessman, American, Crime Fighter
Age: Exact age unknown. Approximately mid 30s
Origin: Gotham City, USA
Habitat: Wayne Manor or Batcave, Gotham City, USA
General Description: Son of Thomas and Martha Wayne, Bruce witnessed his parents’ untimely deaths, when they were murdered by the young Jack Napier right before his eyes. After this tragedy he has spent many years studying martial arts and various scientific disciplines until he reached the very limits of human abilities and became known as Batman. He has no paranormal abilities of any sort and primarily relies on his intelligence, strength, and a wide variety of tools and weapons that he designed for himself with the assistance of his trusted servant Alfred. These tools and weapons include:
1) Batmobile – a bulletproof jet-engine vehicle, equipped with a remote control, shields, machine guns, and a variety of other gadgets and weapons.
2) Batwing – an aircraft equivalent of Batmobile
3) Utility Belt – a belt equipped with an endless supply of useful bat-objects, such as: Bat-Bolas, Bat-Grappling Hook, Bat-Smoke Grenades, etc. The sheer amount of these bat gadgets makes us suspect that somewhere in mainland China exists a secret bat-sweatshop where all of these objects are being manufactured.
Friends, Associates, and Sidekicks: Vicki Vale, Robin
Sworn Enemies: Joker
Special Powers: Batman is an expert in martial arts and a world renowned scientist. His ability to street fight while wearing the most rigid bullet-proof full-body armor suit remains an unexplained mystery.
Weapons of Choice: Bare hands and Bat-Weapons (In memory of his parents, Batman uses firearms only in the most extreme circumstances...)
Weaknesses: Like many other super-intelligent and super-powerful people Batman is almost completely incapable of taking care of himself in the most mundane settings and is rather helpless without his fatherly servant – Alfred Pennyworth. He’d probably die of constipation if Alfred didn’t remind him to go to the bathroom from time to time.
Hobbies: Reckless driving without any regard for safety of pedestrians or other drivers
Pet Peeves: Humor. As far as Batman is concerned, this grim world is no place for jokes. And he may be right.
Best Lines: - I'm Batman
Total Estimated Power Rating: 16
7 Intellect Points + 5 Base Physical Strength Points + 2 Weapon Points for a variety of Bat-weapons at his disposal + 1 Shock Point for the very scary bat costume (works well against the superstitious evildoers) + 1 Additional Point for Alfred’s scientific and investigatory assistance
Power Level: Although Bruce Wayne does not have any supernatural abilities do not let this fact fool you – Batman is one of the most powerful superheroes on this planet and he is to be treated with the utmost respect and a healthy dose of trepidation.
Identification: If you see a guy in a bat suit when you are not visiting Comicon, Dragoncon, or other geek gathering you are probably dealing with the real Batman. On the other hand, even at Comicon you might be dealing with the real Batman. Try kicking him in the balls. If you wake up in the hospital with severe body injuries – it was the real Batman.
How to Recruit: Use the extremely convenient Bat-Signal to summon this superhero. Available at Walmart near you.
Note: Please note that when referring to Walmart on this website we are not referring to the Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. We are of course talking about an entirely fictional Walmart, that is a product of our imagination and which coincidentally happens to have a name identical to the name of a real retail store chain. In fact we will start calling this imaginary place Wolmart, just to help you differentiate the two.
How to Stay on His Good Side: If you are living a criminal lifestyle, maybe it’s time to reconsider. Get a job at Wolmart and work till the wee hours for a miserable pay, just like Batman. Oh wait...
What to Look Out For: When visiting Wayne Manor keep in mind that the place is full of hidden cameras and microphones. So maybe you should try to hold it and enjoy the privacy of your own bathroom when you get home.
NOTE: We cannot guarantee that the bathrooms in your house are free from bat-cameras.
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Movies and Books Featuring the Character:
- Batman (1989)

Name: Diana (aka Diana Prince)
Category: Superhero, Amazon, Immortal, Human
Age: Exact Age Unknown (Thousands of years)
Origin: Uncharted Island within the Devil’s Triangle (Paradise Island)
Habitat: Washington, DC, USA, World of Men
General Description: One of the most powerful superheroes in the world, Diana is a daughter of Queen Hippolyte. She chose to leave Paradise Island in order to assist the United States of America in the battle against the Nazi Germany and other Axis powers. Wonder Woman has a wide range of various tools at her disposal:
1) The Golden Belt (symbol of Amazon supremacy) allows her to retain her extraordinary powers and immortality away from Paradise Island
2) The Golden Lasso, made from indestructible material, compels people to tell the truth and obey commands.
3) The Silver Bracelets of Victory, allow her to deflect bullets using her superhuman reflexes.
4) The Invisible Plane – an advanced aircraft with built-in elevator jazz stereo. The plane does not make its passengers (or the pilot seat) invisible, but provides a breathtaking and entirely unobstructed 360 degrees panoramic view.
Friends, Associates, and Sidekicks: Queen Hippolyte, Major Steve Trevor
Sworn Enemies: Colonel Oberst Von Blasko, Agent M, Baroness Paula Von Gunther
Special Powers: In addition to her extraordinary strength, intelligence, agility, and ability to duplicate anyone’s voice, Wonder Woman possesses extraordinary disguise skills – with a few simple touches (a wig, a different hairdo, glasses, etc.) she is able to change her appearance so drastically that even her own mother is unable to recognize her. When combined with her ability to instantaneously change her looks with a simple twirl, this skill allows her to live a double life as Wonder Woman and Diana Prince.
Weapons of Choice: Golden Lasso, bare hands, Golden Tiara that doubles as a throwing weapon
Weaknesses: Major Steve Trevor
Hobbies: Forward Dash, Archery, Spear Throwing, Stone Throwing, Weight Lifting, High Jump, Arm Wrestling, Bullet Dodging
Pet Peeves: Men who have little regard for womanhood.
Best Lines:
1) Please, put those guns down. You could hurt people.
2) You certainly use a lot of material in your dresses.
3) The Nazis don’t care about their women. They let you fend for yourself. And any civilization that does not recognize the female is doomed to destruction. Women are the wave of the future and sisterhood is stronger than anything.
4) You obviously have little regard for womanhood. You must learn respect.
Total Estimated Power Rating: 18
7 Intellect Points + 3 Base Physical Strength Points + 3 Additional Physical Strength Points for when on Paradise Island (or for when wearing the Golden Belt of Amazon Supremacy) + 1 Weapon Points for the Lasso and the razor-sharp Tiara + 1 Point for Relative Immortality + 3 Additional Points for the Golden Lasso’s hypnosis inducing characteristics, Invisible plane, and disguise skills
Power Level: Extremely high. One of the most powerful superheroes in the world, Wonder Woman is the living proof of Amazon supremacy.
Identification: It is absolutely impossible to identify Wonder Woman when she is not wearing her Star-Spangled ~~underwear~~ outfit. Her disguise skills are truly legendary. It is advisable to treat every woman you encounter with a healthy dose of fear. Any one of them could be Wonder Woman.
How to Recruit: Try to become an object of her affections. It seems that the best way to achieve this status is to virtually ignore her, unless she is half naked. It worked for Major Trevor, and I don’t see a reason why it wouldn’t work for you...
How to Stay on Her Good Side: Under no circumstances show your sexist upbringing. Keep Susan B. Anthony’s biography on your reading table, just in case Wonder Woman drops by.
What to Look Out For: One sexist remark and it’s over. Wonder Woman takes feminism very seriously. And so should you.
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